Have
you ever had one of your close friends introduce you to one of their new
friends, and at first everything’s smooth then the tables turn and you just
hate to see them coming? You know, like that one person that every time your
friend brings them around there’s a damper on your parade because the night is
bound to go wrong because of them. Or
the person who seems to try to dictate the plans every time they come
along? Oh, I’m sorry I was getting a
little carried away! Let me go grab a drink and I’ll be right back.
Ok, I’m back! Well if you couldn’t
tell, I’ve personally had to deal with this before. Now if you’ve ever had to deal with this and
you aren’t sure how to deal with it then you’ve came to the right place. I’m going to tell you how to manage conflict with
the “third party”. Now, I can talk to
you all about my personal experience with my close friend and the friend she introduced
me to (also known as the third-party friend).
When I was first introduced
to this third-party friend they were so nice, outgoing, and I just knew that
they were going to be a good fit in our friend group. Boy, was I wrong. Every time we went out and she was with us
something bad would always happen. The night would never go as originally
planned because she would always find the “better option” and the plans would
be changed last minute. Not only did she
tend to always mess up the night, but she was also mean. She would always pick
arguments with people we didn’t know then look for us to back her up, but when
we didn’t she would yell at us and tell us we were no help. My close friend didn’t see anything wrong
with how her friend was acting, and she was always making excuses for her. So,
I’m guessing you’re wondering how I dealt with this conflict? Let me tell you!
The first thing I did was
wait out the issue hoping for a change in behavior. Since there was no change
in her behavior I went to my close friend and I tried to tell her how I felt
about her friend. I tried to get my friend to be the one to address the issue. My close friend didn’t believe that there was
any need in addressing this conflict. So,
then I knew it was time to tell her myself. I asked the third-party friend if
we could meet one day just me and her so that we could talk about some things. She accepted the invite and we met for
lunch. When we met for lunch I explained
to her the reason I wanted to meet with her, which was because I didn’t agree
with some of her behaviors. While each one of us were speaking the other one
was listening, there was little to none of either of us being cut off. There was a lot of I-statements being used as
well which showed that there were no attacks being thrown. The conversation went
smoothly and now the conflict has been approached.
Well, according to Ayra
Moore's (2017) "communication and empathy are important skills for resolving conflict"[1].
So, next time you’re in a conflict with a friend’s friend you should talk to someone
not involved in the conflict about the situation to see if you truly have a
conflict at hand. Then, arrange for a
mutual time and place to meet with the third party friend to discuss the
conflict. Listen effectively and pay
attention to what they are telling you. The article by Moore also mentions that
showing respect for each other and avoiding angry or overly emotional exchanges
while attempting to communicate[2].
After hearing out each side of the
conflict both parties should come to an agreement to work out the conflict. If
there is no agreement then there could be a mediator at the next sitting to
help with the conversation, and to make sure both parties are heard.
I hope this was helpful to
you! Thanks for stopping by! ‘Til next time!
If you’re interested in
reading anymore about how to manage conflict with your friends, here’s a link
down below: