I don’t know about you, but when I saw my best friends from home making new friends in college I would get so pissed. This bitterness was mainly due to the fact that Randolph-Macon decides to begin their school year in the last week of August/first week of September, while at that point all of my friends from home began their school years during the first week of August. I had to spend my last weeks of summer alone at home, and my friends didn’t even seem to care as they flaunted all of their new friends on Instagram. This was an internal conflict I was experiencing that was due to the fact that I didn't understand the need for these new friendships yet.
When my move in day finally arrived, I was more scared than
I have had been in my life. I didn’t
know a single soul on campus. However,
my OL facilitated the building of friendships during the Orientation
process. I quickly became more
comfortable when he introduced the idea that “everyone was in the same boat”.[1] The Orientation process, filled with ice
breakers where people can be overly friendly to one another, and the physical
campus itself, which can be seen through the idea of “Freshman Village,” are both designed to
encourage and facilitate the building of new relationships because they are so
important to the college experience.[2]
New friendships often begin due to proximity in the college
setting.[3] The first friend I made at R-MC was my
suitemate, Kata. We began our
friendship, as weird as it sounds, by sharing a bathroom. Getting ready together in the morning led to
eating breakfast together everyday, taking classes together, and getting to know
one another on a deeper level. All
friendships have to start somewhere, and ours started when we put makeup on in
the same mirror.
Other new friendships that I developed in my first few weeks
were my teammates who I interacted with due to our interest in the sport. R-MC hosts an activities carnival with over
one hundred clubs and organizations centered around student interests that provides an avenue for students to make new
friendships through ways other than athletics that I experienced. Making new friends with
similar interests leads to stronger relationships that will last longer, so
those friendships that were originally established because of proximity may
dwindle out over time.[4]
Research has found that having large numbers of friends is not beneficial to the college experience, but rather having “two or three good friends, and one or two great professors” is more beneficial. [5] TIP: Separating your newly established friendships between close friendships and acquaintances will prevent conflicts from occurring about friendship statuses. By definition, friendship is "an intimate, reciprocated positive relationship between two people".[6] If one of your friends places you in the close friend category, but you place them in the acquaintance category, then, this will cause problems somewhere down the road.
Research has found that having large numbers of friends is not beneficial to the college experience, but rather having “two or three good friends, and one or two great professors” is more beneficial. [5] TIP: Separating your newly established friendships between close friendships and acquaintances will prevent conflicts from occurring about friendship statuses. By definition, friendship is "an intimate, reciprocated positive relationship between two people".[6] If one of your friends places you in the close friend category, but you place them in the acquaintance category, then, this will cause problems somewhere down the road.
It is important to not overwhelm yourself with too many close friendships that you have to manage because college is already stressful enough. Deciding the status of your new friendships as they develop over time will help you have a positive college experience with individuals who are important to you.
This blog post is supported by both my personal experience
and research done by Chambliss & Takacs that was published in their book How College Works in 2014.
[1]
Chambliss, D. F. & Takacs, C. G. (2014). How college works. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. 19.
[2] Ibid., 22
[2] Ibid., 22
[3] Ibid., 24
[4] Ibid., 37
[5] Ibid., 21
[6] Siegler, R., DeLoache, J., Eisenberg, N., Saffran, J. & Leaper, C. (Eds.) (2014). How children develop. New York, NY: Worth Publishers. 513.