Oh, Hey there! I didn’t see you
come in. Well I’m glad you stopped by because I’m about to talk about some
conflict!
No! Don’t go! It’ll be fun! This
post will teach you what it’s like dealing with a close friend’s additional
friend. You know that one friend that your close friend always brings
around now that you don’t really like, but have to deal with them because your
friend is friends with them. Right, now that we have something in common
let’s get right into it! Go ahead and read this article about a triadic
friendship (A friendship with three people involved).
See, it wasn’t that bad. This
article discusses the conflicts between same-sex, nonromantic friendship
triads. Within this article it talks about how people approach conflict
differently based on the significance of the relationship to them. It
states that there is an individual, a close friend (CF), the disliked
individual(DI), and then the triad (TRI) itself.
Results of this study showed that the more
solidarity that one feels with their CF, the more likely they are to use
compromising and collaborative conflict styles. The less solidarity one
feels with their CF, the more likely they are to use avoidance. Results
indicated that the higher feelings of solidarity with the DI predicted a more
yielding, compromising and collaboration. Results showed that individuals
are significantly less likely to use avoiding with their CF than with the TRI
or DI.
Still don't get it? Here, read this example of a triadic friendship and I'll break it down for you:
"Kristen and Mia have been good friends for eight years now. They did everything together from art shows, picnics, amusement parks, and their favorite thing to do together was going to the circus. Mia has a friend named Brittney that she met during a summer camp last year that Kristen wasn’t able to make. Kristen doesn’t really like when Brittney is around because she always seems to steal Mia’s attention and she can be a little mean to the both of them. One afternoon, Mia invited Brittney to go get frozen yogurt with her and Kristen. While they were enjoying their frozen yogurt Kristen reminded Mia that the circus was coming to town this weekend, and they were both so excited to go. Brittney interrupted their excitement by saying “well actually Kristen, I have two tickets to see Bruno Mars this weekend and I had an extra ticket so I was going to ask Mia to go with me.” Mia in extreme excitement jumped for joy leaving Kristen feeling betrayed. Mia realizes Kristen’s reaction and tells Brittney that she appreciates the offer but she can’t because she goes to the circus every year with Kristen. Brittney calls them both clowns and says that they should be a part of the circus, and then tries to convince Mia that the concert will be more fun. The weekend approaches and Mia decided to go to the concert with Brittney because she thought it would be more fun. Kristen was so angry about Mia’s decision that she stopped texting her and is now ignoring her calls."
Within this triad (TRI), Kristen would be the individual, Mia would be the close friend (CF), and Brittney would be the disliked friend (DI). The relationship between Kristen and Mia clearly shows that there is not a lot of solidarity in the friendship because Kristen avoided the conflict she had with Mia by not communicating with her about how she felt. Kristen and Mia both showed that their was a low solidarity between her and Brittney as well because they never spoke up and defended themselves when Brittney was name calling. There should have been a point in time where someone should have expressed their thoughts and feelings about the conflict.
So, what do you do with this information? I'm glad you asked. Don't be afraid to address conflict head on, but in an effective way. If you ever find yourself in some sort of conflict within a triadic friendship just suggest a mutual time, date, and place and try to work things out! Make sure you keep in consideration everyone's feelings, including your own, hear out everyone's thoughts about the conflict, and find a mutual understanding between everyone involved. Keep calm and stop avoiding!
-Amber Lee
Ploeger, N., Craig, E., Kalas,
M., Johnson, A., & Wakefield, L. (2008). Examining Channels of
Communication
and Conflict Styles in Triadic Friendships. Conference Papers --
National Communication Association, (1)1-39.